It is extremely rare to find an individual whose alcohol or drug use has not affected family or loved ones. Even in the case where the addict has limited their exposure to his or her loved ones, the change in behavior and estrangement affects friends and family. In such cases, family members remain concerned and worried, often fearing the "dreaded phone call" that their loved one is in jail, the hospital or the morgue.
It's difficult to detach emotionally and stand by while someone you love and care for is destroying their life; this is true whether or not your loved one is estranged or living with you. When the addict is still living with his or her partner or family, it is even more difficult. Relationships and families ultimately end up attempting to adapt to the addiction. Family systems theory highlights the drive for a family to accommodate to the addiction as a self-regulating mechanism designed to preserve the family.
Over time, the addict's life becomes more centered on their use of alcohol or other drugs and the relationships with significan others, friends and family members diminish and eventually deteriorate. It is challenging to compete with addiction. Alcoholic homes are often characterized as chaotic and unpredictable. Expectations aren't met, promises are often broken, trust is compromised, frequently the addict becomes more isolative or secretive, and communication becomes strained and difficult. Friends and families believe that there must be something they can say or do, or not say or not do, that will result in their loved one turning their life around. As the addiction progresses, family and friends efforts to help their loved one increase and the wedge between the addict and loved ones deepens.
Just as the addict has denial regarding the severity of their alcohol and other drug use, the family generally is in denial as well. Typically, the alcohol and drug use has progressed for some time before loved ones recognize the problem for what it is. When a loved one begins to acknowledge the problem, they often are able to look back and recognize signs and symptoms that they previously overlooked or excused as a reaction to other stressors or circumstances in their loved one's life. Having accommodated to the changes over time, it often requires a significant event such as a loss of employment, legal problem, or erratic behavior to alert one to the severity.
By the time an addict enters treatment at a qualified alcohol rehab or drug rehab facility, family members and loved one's lives have been affected by the addiction. Family treatment is offered as a means to educate and support the entire family, including the addict, to heal and move into a recovery process.
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