Finding A Sponsor or Sponsee or Sober Buddy

Finding a sponsor is critical to the success of the 12 step program. A sponsor is a member of the same 12 step program who assumes the role of a guidance counselor, friend and confessional. Sponsors guide sponsees through the twelve steps by providing answers, experiences and emotional support. Sponsors should also be active participants in their own recovery and regularly attend meetings. Sponsors usually sponsor members of the same sex and sexual orientation. For all of the wonderful things a sponsor is, there are several things sponsors are not:

• Sponsors are NOT professionals. They do the best they can.
• Sponsors are NOT responsible for a sponsee's recovery and/or choices
• Sponsors are NOT therapists
• Sponsors are NOT lenders

Here is a general overview to finding a sponsor:

Participate in as many different meetings as possible
Any potential sponsor is going to be an active member of one or more twelve step meetings. By participating in meetings, you will see who is active in their recovery and those who may be lukewarm. Remember, you want your sponsor to be passionate about recovery.

Solicit advice from other meeting participants
Almost everybody in a 12 step program has gone through the anxiety of finding a sponsor. Seek advice from those who have found their sponsor. Members may be able to point out individuals who have expressed a willingness to sponsor.

Evaluate potential sponsors carefully
Choosing a sponsor is a critical decision and one that cannot be made lightly. Observe their behavior and demeanor before, during and after meetings and pay close attention to what they share while in meetings.

Approach your desired sponsor in private
It is best to approach after a meeting. In private, state your case and request sponsorship. If the person says yes, they are instantly your sponsor and you should begin to follow this person's advice immediately. If the person says no (which happens frequently, so be prepared) politely thank them and start the process over again.

Use the resources your new sponsor offers you
Use your sponsor as necessary for support, advice and fellowship.